stone cold

I sit on the edge of a rocky escarpment, my legs dangling over the side. Cassidy sat behind me with her arms wrapped tightly around my waste her legs next to mine, both of us bundled against the cold enjoying the moment and spectacular view of jagged snow covered peaks and virulent valley floor. Suddenly I felt myself sliding forward on a slick surface unable to gain any traction being forced toward the edge. Willing myself backwards I yell at Cassidy to back up and there seems to be a little progress before a sudden lurch forward draws us ever closer to the edge and over. Now in a pure panic mode I scream for you to carefully let go and gradually back up and see if you can grab my collar and pull me back from oblivion. I didn’t want you to die. Oh God! I cried help me, help me! I then slipped over the edge propelled by a sinister force, freefalling through the air.

All of the sudden I was jolted awake my eyes exploding open and my heart bursting in my chest. I strain to breathe my lungs on fire in an envelope of pitch darkness unable to move. Then I heard a frantic familiar feminine voice and the sound of my dog Brute anxiously panting and feverishly digging with moans and yelping sounds. Trying to control the terror that gripped my stone cold inanimate form a brilliant light came and with the light a peace that arrested my racing heart. Abruptly I sat up out from under a fresh dirt blanket as Cassidy screamed and reflexively jumped back immediately recovering and removing the wool blanket that was wrapped around my mouth and torso as I gasped and choked drinking in giant swallows of life giving air.

Sitting speechless, ghostly white, and feeling frozen, the temperature with the wind chill in the single digits, the dirt over my legs and feet was removed and I was lifted up slowly, shedding the dirt covered wool blanket, groaning and weak. Supported by Anakin and my best friend Cade I staggered and stumbled to the back door and into the house. Sitting me in a rocking chair by an invigorated hot fire I was smothered in warm blankets as Cade removed by socks and boots and began massaging my feet and legs hands and arms. Cassidy made hot coffee and carefully held a cup to my lips to sip as I was unable to hold the cup by myself.

Sitting silently still unable to speak, my mind and ethereal body hovered in space on a narrow path, a borderline in a borderland. Then it grew dark as I walked in a dense forest aware of shadowy figures darting furtively here and there and hiding behind the trees. Carefully I made my way senses alerted and alarms going off warning of eminent danger. And then they struck and I felt myself falling into a dark deep chasm covered with ice, where only slimy creatures of the night abound. I Layed stone still a spectral figure appearing dead. I felt the creatures crawling on my body and nibbling on my clothes to uncover my flesh when the crashing sound of thunder shattered the silence and rocked this vastness of vile empty space, lightning crystalizing the blackness and releasing the current of life in my mortal material body once again.

Slowly I opened my eyes to welcome the first faint whisper of light and a new morning, with a glowing warm fire and a figure at my feet with her arms crossed and her head resting on my lap. Gently I reached down and stroked her hair. Lifting her head Cassidy looked deep into my eyes unable to hold back the tears saying, ‘Oh my love you’ve come back to me from the dead. Thankyou, thankyou Heavenly Father for giving him life once again’. Clinging to me I heard motion and people arising as Cade put his hand on my shoulder and said, ‘hey buddy, you gave us such a scare. It’s so good to see you in the land of the living’. And then my Indian blood brother Anakin spoke, ‘You are big medicine my brother. The Spirits have willed you to live’. Then pausing he said, ‘I am so ashamed. I was not here for you like you were for me. Twice you have saved my life and often fed my people. I will not leave your side until this journey is over and you do not need me anymore’. ‘Likewise’ Cade spoke. We’re all in this together to the end’. ‘And’ Cassidy then responded, ‘I’m not letting you out of my sight. I lost you once but never again’!

Later that day responding to a hearty hot soup and more coffee I became fully conscious and awake. Gathering around me and the fire we told our stories. First I related that I was in the south pasture checking on some newborn calves when I heard shots echoing across the valley floor. Immediately I unsheathed my Spencer and ratcheted in a round, racing home. Arriving at the rise that overlooked our home I paused briefly to assess the situation before rushing in. I saw Pa face down on the ground with his rifle beside him and Ma screaming and fighting her assailants before she was knocked down. Sis was throwin’ lead from a window when a bullet knocked her backwards onto the floor silencing her resistance. I came racing in chucking lead when a bullet knocked me out of the saddle and I came crashing down hard on the ground. Appearing quite dead from a bloody head wound I was aware of a rider coming up to me and putting a bullet in my chest and everything went dark.

Hesitantly with a fearful foreboding I asked about my family. With tears freely flowing Cassidy said, ‘they’re all dead’. ‘Tell me! I demanded. Sighing Cade answered. ‘We heard shots and quickly saddled rushing your way just in time to see the Bonner brothers and two of their hired gunnies fleeing the scene. Two of their men were dead on the ground as we rode for the house. Your Pa had taken several rounds and your Ma’, blowing out and hesitating before he continued, ‘had been violated before they put a bullet in her brain. Inside your sis lay quite dead and violated, while she was alive, dead, or dying’, Cade spoke haltingly with tears, ‘we will never know’. Silent rage barely contained filled his countenance. She had become the light in his eyes.

‘Frantically, Cassidy interjected ‘we went searching for you. Seeing your horse we ran to your motionless bloody body as I fell to the ground sobbing, laying across your chest. Then Cade and Anakin who had just arrived gently helped my trembling body up and we brought you inside and catatonically attended your wounds, even though you appeared quite dead. Your head injury was a badly bleeding crease and the bullet hole in your chest was high above your heart and clean through. After thoroughly cleaning and disinfecting your wounds and sewing up the holes we bandaged you and waited hoping for some indication of life’.

‘Neighbors arrived and we began the grizzly task of burying the bodies in the cold hard ground’. ‘The next day after delaying the inevitable we wrapped your body in a wool blanket’. ‘I asked for some time to be alone with you before covering your head as I could not bear the thought of not seeing your face again. The crushing weight of anguish and loss left me so cold that for the moment no tears flowed. I then placed my cheek next to yours and was stunned when I thought that I felt breath. Ever so faint I put my palm just above your mouth and turning it upward felt with my finger a meager residue of moisture. Going to the back door I motioned for Cade and Anakin to come in. Speaking softly I told them what I had found. I have a plan I said. They then helped me finish wrapping you in a blanket and Anakin cut a slit over your mouth in a wrinkle and unnoticeable.

The ground was hard and the grave was shallow as we carefully carried you out and gently laid you in the earth. I carried a deep mixing bowl that I delicately placed over your head creating an air pocket and explaining with tears that I couldn’t bare the thought of your face covered with dirt. The men shrugged and hurriedly back- filled the grave. Holding the bowl in place with a rake, Cade and Anakin carefully covered your face with dirt. Once the grave was filled to ground level I asked the men, two of which where the Bonner brothers to leave the remainder for the three of us and give me some private time. I thanked them and they were glad to be on their way and get back home out of the cold and by a warm fire and hot joe . No one must suspicion that you were alive’.

The Bonner brothers who along with their gunnies were the very men who were responsible for the rape and murder of your family, feigned sympathy trying to mask their cold calculating contempt and satisfaction in an effort to deflect any guilt or suspicion. Walking away and mounting their horses I ask Anakin to watch making sure they were gone. We played our part with solemn faces and I nodded discreetly when condolences were offered barely able to contain my rage. I was thankful for the black netting that concealed my face and emotions. Turning, Brute had already begun to claw at the fresh dirt over your face as we hurriedly removed the rest that covered your head and chest before you sprung up and scared the horse apples out of all of us.

Featureless days turned into endless weeks as I healed, I grieved, and I battled in the darkness. Faceless figures accost my soul. Only recently removed from the horror of battle and the cries and screams of the wounded and dying I returned home to the anguish of my family taken so senselessly in brutal display, my own life in the balance. And always, so much blood.

There are greater terrors than death and the agony of dying. And so it is that sometimes it takes our bodies to return us to our souls, our pain to remind us of the greater pain, this calamity of titanic forces, a maelstrom of misery for the entire human race. And there is beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning. I was knocked down but not knocked out, and found the strength to rise again. It remained for me to harness the seasons in my life to bring about the chapters of time, rising from this grave like Lazarus to navigate the path laid out before me, searching for safe passage.

Maybe I will never fully understand. It isn’t what is most vital. It is what a man did that mattered, a man’s actions declaring what manner of man he is. The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties. It passes right through every human heart. Once you cross that line and go over you affect a change and there is no going back. Like Napoleon crossing the Rubicon he declared, ‘Alea iacta est’, The dye is cast. There is no bargaining with the Devil, no compromising with evil. The wolves are at the door devouring the weakest of the herd or those overwhelmed by your sheer strength and numbers. There is nothing left to petition to, no conscious or mutual agreement. No let bygones be bygones, no handshake. Their eyes have turned to glass; dark and empty of antipathy, their hearts to stone, and their breath to death.

The way to survive was to know your enemy and know yourself and prepare. Know the weakness of your enemy and use that against him. Lay down a shadow web and use that against him. Remember, he thinks I’m dead. I’ll use that against him. I will take the fight to these bastards. They have relinquished the right to live. They would trade in tragedy as if it were currency, readily spilling red blood to turn it into green money. Enough already. Things were about to change.

There is breath in the breeze

a gust of wind in the harbor

your boat may be afloat

but you can’t steer it if it’s not moving

The frontier was beautiful but brutal, everywhere a killing field. To some they weren’t breaking any laws because there were no laws to break. Empires are built step by step, stepping on bodies of people used to forge your kingdom, a foundation built on flesh, bones, and blood. Don’t come here if you are a pacifist and not willing, ready, and able to defend yourself and your own. Even then there’s no guarantee you’ll face the light of another day. When a man murders, rapes, and takes what is not is own, he is like a mad dog with rabies and needs to be put down. It is a divine right and sacred obligation. To do nothing is not only cowardice and despicable before men, it is abhorred in the eyes of heaven. The Bonners would soon find out, dead or alive, there is no one like me, the most dangerous of men, not with everything to gain but with little left to lose. There is no real ownership of anything but the possessions of the heart. For me it was my beloved Cassidy and a few faithful friends. It was enough.

The valley we lived in was perhaps 20 miles long and surrounded by low lying hills to the east and tall year around snow covered sentinels to the west. My home faced west and rich pasture stretched out before me for about three quarters of a mile before surrendering to forest and trees. It was decided that Cassidy and Cade would come to live in my home along with their critters and stuff. My number one priority was Cassidy’s safety. Anakin stayed here or close by, and old uncle Eb came to live posing as the only living relative and inheritor of the property, much to the Bonner’s contempt. Anakin, an Oglala Sioux, and next in ascension as son of the chief was readily joined by other braves as well as some Cheyenne Dog Soldiers who refused to be quarantined in reservations and sought refuge with their brother the Sioux. They were fierce fighters respected and feared by all, now wanderers and homeless.

I sat with Anakin and the leaders of the Cheyenne and Sioux, round the fire as we shared about the Bonner stranglehold over the valley and their murderous attack upon Indian and White alike. I explained through Anakin that small farms and ranchers were being forced out, houses and property burned, cattle stolen, and folks disappearing or found murdered. Anakin spoke of Indian attacks without warning or provocation as they raided their camps, killed their braves, violated their women, and burned their villages. He also shared what they did to me and my family and how I was a trusted friend and readily accepted as a member of their tribe. Humbly with head bowed he spoke of the debt he felt he owed me before the pipe was passed around binding us to an unbreakable bond of brotherhood.

That night a steely reserve and fierce determination fixated our unity and the path we all willingly embraced before us. Anakin and I were recognized as the leaders and understood my wish to remain invisible and the necessity of all evidence of our acts of justification to purify the land to disappear without a trace. Not only would this create an environment of fear and suspicion, it would not invite recriminations from the Army and government upon their people.

Lodi was the nearest small town and under the thumb and control of the Bonners, including the mayor, city council, and local law dog. Merchants were enticed with free land and almost zero building costs and a town was born. The truth was, the Bonner’s still owned the land and now the buildings and every month the proprietors had to open their books and pay 25% of their profits to one of Bonners enforcers. Any irregularities were met with severe threats, often to the women, and punishment. They had surrendered their freedom for an old scam. ‘If its to good to be true it isn’t’. Throwing caution to the wind they did not heed the signs to beware for seldom are things and people the way they first appear.

Talleyrand said, ‘speech was given to man to conceal his thoughts’. And Bonner spoke adroitly with a serpents tongue beguiling and enticing, a sycophant appealing to the base nature of man. Caught in the web of their own greed and tempted with thoughts of gain, they accepted what they never earned, built, or paid for. It was all Bonner’s the physical, the tangible, and the power. And they were his slaves! ‘A fool and his money are easily parted’. Now entrapped they saw no way out.

There are two kinds of fools; one who believes a lie, and one who refuses the truth. Realizing their plight the citizens cries for deliverance were heard in Heaven and their day of redemption from the bondage in Egypt was nigh at hand. When the human part of a man lays tramped down, way down to the dark recesses of his mind and heart, when the only way out is up, it is time to step out of the darkness. And slowly they did. ‘There are decades when nothing happens, and days when decades happen’. Those days had arrived.

Some men crave more than they need and covet more than they have. Old man Bonner with steely eyes and a face carved out of granite wanted it all; the town and the entire Anaconda Valley. Soon everyone understood why. Their was gold in them thar hills as well as silver, copper, and the railroad. It was a veritable bonanza supplying the wealth and power he needed to firmly position himself in this territory, soon to become a state, and the frontrunner for the office of governor. He reeked of wealth, power, and position, never satiated and a future prospect for D.C., ‘their kind of man’. Simple thing he did not acknowledge except in a Pecksniffian prayer, was any greater truth or consequences. and that all flesh is as grass and man’s goodness as the flower of the field. The grass withers and the flower fades, but the will of God stands forever. His assault on Heaven was doomed. Only he didn’t know it…….yet! The tangled web he weaved by deception and brutal blunt force would ensnare him and be is downfall.

Dining on some beef steaks and smokin’ some fine tobacco along with a little whiskey that I provided, the Dog soldiers were more than happy to insure 24/7 protection for the property and its inhabitants. They became watchers of the watchers as our property was being surveilled at all times. Anakin and I along with a few chosen braves then traveled to the north end of the valley and the Bonner stronghold already consisting of 20,000 acres and cattle. Traveling at night when the moon was bright utilizing the forest and trees for concealment we arrived undetected and began our surveillance.

Using a collapsible spyglass provided by an officer of the republic during the war, I was able to define people and the strength of the Bonner Bastion. Their were at least 50 men on Bonner’s payroll including gunnies and assassins. Thousands of cattle added to the subterfuge and appearance of legitimacy to any outsiders. The fortress, house and multiple structures, was built of rock and sturdy timbers enough to dissuade a small army. Everything appeared crisp, militarized, and in order. It was to all appearances the best of the west. We knew better.

Returning home careful to maintain my clandestine image as a dead man, plans were set in motion to chip away at the mortar that secured the Bonner stronghold namely fear, coercion, intimidation, and force. That week old man Bonner acting on some primal second brain instinct now rotated surveillance of our property on a 24/7 basis. This time with large bore long range guns with scopes. This intrusion would end. Silently these assassins were eliminated by the Dog Soldiers without leaving a trace. We however became the possessors of weapons that would add nicely to our resistance. One or two deserters though not acceptable was explainable. But now the situation became untenable as any gun for hire who traveled south simply disappeared without a trace.

Becoming desperate Bonner sent his two sons along with two gunnies to search our property. Riding up they passed several cowboys ridin’ the range finding only Cassidy, as they supposed, at home away from the house and working in the garden. Turning to see them she held her ground hoe in hand. ‘Hello miss Cassidy’, then looking about and seeing no one else around, ‘seems a fine time for a visit’. Unknown to them eyes and ears were aware of every move they made. Then Bo Didley speaking to the two gunnies said, ‘why don’t you two boys go take a look inside while Billy Ray and I enjoy the fine company of this pretty lady’. Dismounting and taking steps to the porch the sound of air being pierced with a long slender shaft resounded with a deep thud and grunt of surprise and sheer agony as the two gunnies fell face forward on the steps.

‘What the Hell’! Billy Ray exclaimed as they mounted their horses ready to ride after threatening Cassidy. Turning they halted as no less than six Indians with bows drawn prevented their escape. Then I walked up and they stammered, now trembling and afraid, ‘but you’re dead! we helped bury you’. ‘How can you be alive’?Then the image of the offshoots of the fabled Chachapoya cloud warriors filled their heads and they were terrified pissing their pants. ‘Get down’ I screamed asking Cassidy to go inside. ‘On your backs on the ground’ I demanded. ‘You have killed and raped the innocent both in the valley and town including my folks and sister’. ‘That ends now as I walked up while they were being held down with legs splayed and shot them both in their privy parts. While they screamed in agony I spoke to Anakin, ‘make it slow and make it hurt’, as they drug their sorry sobbing souls away.

Seeing his son’s did not return old man, never used his first name of Erno, Bonner went into a drunken rage.. When you have no where to go and no one to turn to some men will seek solace in a bottle, like throwing fuel on a fire. Mounting what dwindling forces he had left, Bonner sought reinforcements among the cow hands. The foreman, Axel, announced their were no takers. ‘What good is a generous bonus’ he said, ‘when you’ll never live to enjoy it’. ‘Besides these boys only know cattle. They’re not killers’. Screaming epitaphs Bonner incentivized the remaining mercenaries led by ‘Mad Dog Morris’. ‘Kill, rape, and burn everything and any one you see, a policy borrowed from the infamous General Sherman on his march from Atlanta to the sea.

Having eyes and being informed a trap was set. At a narrowing in the valley, surrounded with large boulders and small hills, shortly after they rode off the Bonner property, a scoped long gun belched and smoke and a bullet announced our presence. Mad Dog was launched out of the saddle and the remaining men sought for a place of escape as fire and brimstone rained down on them. With the exits guarded by the Cheyenne and Sioux these butchers and soul-less killers met their Waterloo.

Gathering the spoils; guns, horses, currency and anything of value the bodies were drug away out of sight and piled together and covered with rocks. I then road for the Bonner ranch with Cade, Anakin and a few Sioux. Riding up Axel was standing with a big grin on his face with about six of his hands. ‘Reckon McKenzie you and maybe her majesty the Queen is the last person I expected to see. Please boys get down and come over here McKenzie so’s I can shake the hand of a man or is it a ghost’.

I briefly answered his inquires about the circumstances surrounding my death (supposed) before he replied, ‘I’m thinkin all that noise down valley was you and your boys straightening up matters with what remained of Bonner’s Brigade, to a man some of the most heinous, despicable, vile creatures to ever hang flesh. Me and what remains of the cowboys stayed clear and didn’t mingle much. Only here out of respect to Miss Martha. She was a fine woman and kept things in check until her death. ‘Where’s the old man’, ‘I asked’? ‘He’s up to the house’ Axel spoke, ‘probably barricaded in his office, left and down the hall across from the dining room. ‘Knock with something like a broom handle and stay plenty clear’. ‘He’s got a .12 gage double barrel Remington, Colt Army revolver, plus a pocket LeMat and anything else to discourage visitors’.

A knock at the door incurred massive damage to its structure by two shotgun blasts, followed by six .44 caliber rounds and as a final salvoes, nine .36 caliber rounds scattered about in all the smoke. After a slight pause we rushed in and subdued the drunken Lord of his reign. It was over. Now belligerent, but spent of energy and defeated, we forced him to unlock the door to his safe and remove its contents. ‘Here take the money and all the property deeds which he was compelled to sign over. ‘Take it all’ he blubbered. ‘I’m finished. ‘First my Martha and now my boys. Most all of it by the hand of a dead man’. Then with his hands in his face he began to weep his body shaking,. ‘Martha I’m so ashamed. I’m nothing but a vile bastard and the boys with me. We won’t be seein’ ya as we go to see our mentor, not our maker, not even fit company for the Devil’.

So we led this pathetic creature outside unfit for the human race and set him on a horse with a noose around his neck and slowly tightened the rope making him involuntarily raise his butt out of the saddle. As his neck stretched he experienced some of the pain he had caused so many as a look of absolute agony filled his face. We let him linger before slowly leading the horse away letting his body slide over the back of the horse before the rope snapped taunt. None of us took delight in his killing, but we all felt a great burden lifted and the sweet realization that we were no longer under the darkness that covered the land both country and town alike. A new day dawned bright and beautiful. It felt good to be alive.

Returning to the rocky escarpment Cassidy and I sat on the edge as the panorama of valley, mountain, and sky filled up our senses. The air was crisp and oh so sweet. And in the distance the echo of a falcon as it flew. A lifetime lived in a year, I chronicled all the events in my life, the valley, and town now with my sweet wife by my side. There was a positive indication of change as folks stopped playing the blame game and turned the pointed finger on themselves taking the responsibility for their actions and outcomes. For sure everyone plays their part in this drama we called ‘the tapestry of life’, woven with threads of pain, resilience, and an indominable spirit. The choice was for true governance (law and order) when evil would be its own worst enemy and virtue its one true friend.

Once again I felt the breath of a breeze as my boat left the harbor, a defining moment,

‘Sail on Silver Girl

Sail on by

Your time has come to shine

All your dreams are on their way’

One day all that is wrong will be gone, and all that’s not right will take flight. But until then we must be ever vigilant for the thief comes to steal and the lion for its prey. Every time good triumphs over evil their is one more candle to light in the darkness.

Come sit with us dear friend…..

……..It’s a clear day

rise and look around you

and you’ll see who you really are

you’ll feel part of every mountain sea and shore

a world you’ve never seen before

on a clear day on a clear day

you can see forever, forever and ever more